Thursday, June 08, 2006

30 billion viewers, 1 bull

On most days, I read the morning dope lazing around in the living room. Today, I almost fell off the couch when I read a screaming headline with jazzy graphics on the TOI main page.
(OK, I get the TOI on wednesdays and Fridays *only*. Everybody needs to get some dope on the celebs, even cavemen like me)
It had nothing to do with celebs. And it had everything to do with football.
The line screamed out something like:
30 billion viewers
1 world
1 cup
Or something lame like that.
30 billion. Wait a minute. T H I R T Y B I L L I O N!!!!
three oh BILLION? three zero BILLION????
I am sure that includes all the baboons who run the TOI besides every single man woman child and human like thingie on planet earth. Well, I dont think it requires so many baboons to churn out drivel like the TOI does, anyways.
Last I checked, the population of planet earth (homo sapiens and chinese only) was less than 7 billion. Where did the rest of the 23 odd billion viewers come from??

Did they start counting Laloo Prasad Yadav's extended family as humans to get so many viewers suddenly?
Or is it that all human pets, cattle, Michael Jackson and Elvis Ghosts were included this time around?

All these "responsible journalists" "editors" "sub editors" "assistant editors" etc.. etc.. whos job is to maintan sanity and hide all signs of retadration and actually try to *read* what is being printed (if they are all literate baboons that is) and try not to jump up and down while plucking lice off each other when they are supposed to be performing a very rare and miraculous act called as due dilligence.

Somebody writes that 30 billion cumulative users will be watching the world cup and it suddenly miraculously becomes 30 billions viewers. Bring on the martians I say!!
It is like a man who after his second marriage anniversary claiming that he has cumulatively slept with 730 women!!!

(mutter mutter grr grr)


Blogger Anmol said...

i think u have forgotten the acronym ... DDM a.k.a Desi Dork media, courtesy BR forum

12:01 PM  
Blogger maheshbalaji said...

i love u'r clincher lines!! ROFL!!!
been to bed with 730 woman!!! hahahhaha..........

5:27 AM  
Anonymous sthira said...

Trust TOI for the research and their statistics!!It's such a shitty newspaper that it's unbelievable.

1:48 PM  
Blogger Rajesh J Advani said...

It is like a man who after his second marriage anneversary claiming that he has cumulatively slept 730 women!!!

Getting sex everyday for two straight years? Is there no such thing as "sleeping on the couch tonight"?

3:26 PM  

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